Pumpkin Carving

So, I am a dad, those you that know me, you know that. And those that don't know me, you know it now.

Well, I wanted a special thing that I could do with my kids that they will always remember. And I found it. I carve pumpkins with them. I have done it for years and I have tried to match the pumpkin with something like what my kids were wearing that year. So, I have done Darth Vader, a ninja turtle, Tinkerbell, among others.

Well, my kids are older now (8 and 6) and you are all lucky I am typing this.

You see, we sat down last night at the kitchen counter and we talked about what pumpkins to carve. And would you know, we had to do three pumpkins. The kids could not agree on one. I know, you are saying, "Don, you said you only have two kids, why three pumpkins?" Well, I wanted one too you know!

So, we finally narrowed down the list to three. Out come the knives, the paper, you name it. Well, the inside of a pumpkin is gross. Did you know that? It's like putting your hands in a big booger filled nose. That's among many of the things I heard as I gutted three pumpkins.

Then I started on the first one.... The three of us working hard on it, listening to music, having fun, laughing... wait, where did the kids go?? As I look over, I see them both sitting on a step in my kitchen the upstairs with their Gameboys in hand.

So, what happens next, I carve three pumpkins with those pumpkin carving tools you buy at the store. You know the orange ones I am talking about. Yeah, I think they are made by Keebler. You know why I know that. Because only freakin' elves have hands that damn small. I looked like I was trying to fit my hand in the top of a 2 liter for three hours.

And did I mention those blades are sharp? I almost took off a freaking finger! And pumpkin guts are acid when they hit an open wound. I screamed in pain. Then I go to get a bandaid, so I don't get E-coli from the manure they grew the pumpkins in. Well, I got to pick between Dora and Blues clues, the two brands my kids stopped wearing years ago.

I walk into work on halloween morning, with my Dora the Explorer bandaged hands, typing with a flippin' pencil in my mouth because I still can't open my hands. But my kids have pumpkins that will rot and have slugs covering them by Sunday!

And here is the end result!