Halloween Costume Requirements

OK, I might be showing my age here, but I need to rant. So, here I go.

I am petitioning that there be groundrules for Trick or Treating. That's right, I want to protect the holiday for my children. I was able to witness trick or treating pre-Halloween this weekend and I was floored. Some of the things I saw. So, I decided to come up with rules. That's right rules.

1. If your costume is a lumberjack and you accomplished the look by simply not shaving that morning, you are too old to trick or treat.

2. If you are a female and you have a more mature shape than the last girl I went out with, although I appreciate it (provided you are the legal age), you are too old to trick or treat.

3. If you feel the need to request a certain type of candy, DON'T. You will get what I give you. Trust my judgement kids. I am not going to screw you like I was screwed when I was a kid. Which means no pennies, no almond joys or mounds. I am not that old. I love a good candy bar as much as you do.

4. If you fail to put on a costume, keep walking. I am not going to entertain the fact that you are dressed as a student or something else. If you don't put the effort in, neither will I. I mean, this is a two way street here.

5. Don't pull the switcheroo on the masks. You can not simply switch masks with your buddies and hit houses over and over. Does not work that way. One to a customer please. I mean, when you are at Sam's on free food day, do you circle the chicken tender lady over and over? No, don't do it to me. Note: If you do circle her, we need to talk!

6. Be polite. You don't say thank you, be prepared for me to reach my hand back into your bag and grab my candy out. It's that simple.

On a related note: If you are a vandal and if by reading any of the rules above you feel the need to egg my house or destroy things, feel free to ignore the rules. I don't want to spend three hours cleaning up pumpkin guts in my yard for a 25 cent kit kat.

TUCK OUT!!